Summary

A President and his Secret Service Agent have an unexpcted adventure in Ol’ Blighty.

Featuring
Gerard Butler as Mike Banning
Aaron Eckhart as President Asher
Morgan Freeman as Vice President Trumbull
Alon Moni Aboutboul as Amir Barkawai
Angela Bassett as Lynne Jacobs

Action movies, in my mind anyway, have some criteria. The first is the good looking hero or heroine. The second is a cryptic attempt at a plot. Then there needs to be action leading to explosions. Gun fights and hand-to-hand combat are not mutually exclusive. And you also need some good one liners for the heroes to utter as they bring the movie and the bad guys to a dramatic conclusion. So, does London Has Fallen do any of those criteria well?

Let’s examine the story first and foremost. The premise is simple. The Prime Minister of England has died and so lots of world leaders are gethering in London to say their farewells. During the assembling process, the shit hits the fan. A whole bunch of terrorists of Middle Eastern origin has somehow managed to infiltrate the security measures. And they manage to kill quite a few important people. Like the Prime Minister of Canadia. Our heroes, President Asher and Agent Banning are in some deep doo doo, because the terrorists are after Asher himself.

As far as the storyline goes, this is pretty cookie cutter: build up a threat to your heroes and deal with them. There’s nothing good or bad about it. I just wish they’d come up with better villains than mad MIddle Eastern terrorists. Why not a good domestic threat?

Gerard Butler, famous for being the best Scottish Spartan, does ok in this movie, though he sometimes gets that crazed bloodlust look that probably doesn’t suit Secret Service agents. And I still half expect him to kick someone out of a skyscraper shouting “this is LONDON!” Of course, this not being Ancient Greece, there are no gratuitous pec shots.

And Aaron Echkart, famous for being Two Face, Frankensten and the dude from Battlefield Los Angeles is…kind of useless as the President. Sure, he acts like he’s the POTUS, but damned if Morgan Freeman’s character of veep would have been better. He’s got the voice for it.

But this is a much lower budget action movie than any Bond title, and it shows. Sure, they got Morgan Freeman, but Butler and Eckhart aren’t exactly hot property. To add to this, the peple who wrote the script just…suck. Sure, there are some slight, funny moments in the movie due to the one liners, but this movie is pretty piss weak when it comes to the spoken lines.

When we get to the action sequences, we understand why everything else seems to pale in comparison. There’s a lot of action and stunt sequences, which are your standard fare of shoot X, stab Y with fancy choreographed movements.

And look, the movie is watchable enough, in the same way that KFC is edible enough. But you wouldn’t want to subsist on a diet of [INSERT PLACE] Has Fallen at the cinema. You’d go nuts, because this movie lowers your intelligence. Everything is “American President good, MIddle Eastern terrorists bad.” Foreign affairs and diplomacy is never that simple. Just ask Obama.

London Has Fallen should be called The Action Movie Standard Has Fallen, because this is essentially crap. Nothing about this movie does anything new or exciting, apart from inventing a new country called F***headistan. Which by the way, is a low point. I’d suggest you stay away from this and watch something else.

Rating

Lowers the average of movies released this year significantly. Oh, and your intelligence.

Watch this if you…

Have a head of hair that makes you look like a corn cob. Because it’s exactly the heady mix of populist, oversimplified solutions to complex problems with a dash of unbridled bravado that you’d be known for.

Don’t watch this if you…

Are sane, intelligent, civilized or human.

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