Who thought this movie was a great idea?

Featuring
Katherine “What Would Jesus Frickin’ Do” Heigl as Jennifer
Ashton Kutcher as Spencer the Secret Agent
and…you know what? I don’t care about the rest of the cast.

I reused Johnny Depp’s face for this movie’s featured picture because I made that face too having watched this movie. Seriously, it cost $75 million to make. How does a movie devoid of top rate actors, a comprehensible storyline and decent characters even cost that much to make? Paranormal Activity cost a bunch of cheap surveillance cameras and some no-namers and it was still pretty good.

So, to put you in the picture, the movie is about Jennifer, who leads a rigid and risk free life, taking a holiday in Nice, France with her parents. She meets Spencer the Secret Agent, who looks a lot like a guy who played Steve Jobs, but with a lot more muscles. Anyway, they hit it off, and get married.

After fast forwarding a few years, they’re living the suburban life with suburban neighbours who are either all very nice or very annoying. In the meantime, Spencer is told by his former handler that he’s got another Secret Agenty job, but he refuses to complete it, but can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong. And lots of people are now out to kill him for a mysterious $20 million bounty.

Seriously, you can’t make this crap up. That’s the storyline, and there’s a twist that happens at the end. You watch this twist hoping for something to redeem the movie, but when it happens, the realisation dawns on you that the bounty of $20 million should have been used to destroy the script this movie was based on. The movie is blander than steamed chicken, dumber than a dumb Jim Carrey movie and as funny as a tonne of manure. On fire.

If there’s one word to describe this movie, it’s atrocious. Don’t make the mistake of watching it like I did. Go outside, enjoy the sunshine. Read a book. Something, anything. Just avoid Killers.

Rating

Like I said, this movie is atrocious.

Watch this if you…

Have a need to throw your money and your time away frivolously.

Don’t watch this if you…

Want your dignity intact.

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