You’re Next is one of those movies that makes you wish want to sneak into the next cinema, on the off chance that they’re watching something else. Anything else.
|Sharni Venson as Erin|
|Nicholas Tucci as Felix Davison|
|A. J. Bowen as Crispian Davison|
|Joe Swanberg as Joe Davison|
|with lots and lots of other Davisonseses|
|Random pretend Batman voices as The Three Masked Dudes|
Have you ever wondered if someone started to systematically murder your family, leaving you the sole inheritor will be worth it, yet completely not suspicious at the same time? If you answer “not bloody likely”, like any thinking person, then you’ve just cracked the case with this movie.
You’re Next begins with a family reunion of the well off Davisons, parents, children and their partners. Midway through dinner, the excrement begins to hit some rotating blades when the murders begin. Masked assailants, pretending to be animals begin to systematically hunt down each family member and hill them, though some to expire due to booby traps in and around the house. Meanwhile, Erin, the feisty ex-soldier (who is our hero) begins to organise the family’s defences against the masked assailants.
Not to be a downer on things in movies, but this one makes absolutely no sense once you start to think about it. Crispian, the moron who hired the goons to participate in this scheme hopes to inherit the family fortune after the massacre is over. But aside from the fact that he will be the sole inheritor after the massacre and just how suspicious that would look, he also makes the mistake of participating in the slaughter.
Then, there are the very much useless goons, who are, despite their incompetence, ex-special forces soldiers. They then proceed to be beaten by unarmed civilians and a former general army soldier. They’re obviously not very good special forces soldiers. The movie makes the audience believe in too many leaps of logic to actually be a decent movie. Forehead, meet hand.
You’re Next is basically an illogical horror/slasher mashup that does nothing to advance the genre. Requiring too much suspension of disbelief, and a smattering of intelligence insulting, it thankfully stays away from too much gore and is mainly palatable. In an attempt to be clever, however, the writers have made a very big plothole, which appears to be an insurmountable problem.
Admittedly, you could do worse. Like being forced into watching the One Direction concert film. Or Big Brother.
Should I watch this?
Fans of I Know What You Did Last Summer might enjoy this. It takes itself entirely seriously, unlike its peer, which takes itself as seriously as a Sylvester and Tweety cartoon.