You’re Next is one of those movies that makes you wish want to sneak into the next cinema, on the off chance that they’re watching something else. Anything else.

Featuring

Sharni Venson as Erin
Nicholas Tucci as Felix Davison
A. J. Bowen as Crispian Davison
Joe Swanberg as Joe Davison
with lots and lots of other Davisonseses
Random pretend Batman voices as The Three Masked Dudes

Have you ever wondered if someone started to systematically murder your family, leaving you the sole inheritor will be worth it, yet completely not suspicious at the same time? If you answer “not bloody likely”, like any thinking person, then you’ve just cracked the case with this movie.

You’re Next begins with a family reunion of the well off Davisons, parents, children and their partners. Midway through dinner, the excrement begins to hit some rotating blades when the murders begin. Masked assailants, pretending to be animals begin to systematically hunt down each family member and hill them, though some to expire due to booby traps in and around the house. Meanwhile, Erin, the feisty ex-soldier (who is our hero) begins to organise the family’s defences against the masked assailants.

Not to be a downer on things in movies, but this one makes absolutely no sense once you start to think about it. Crispian, the moron who hired the goons to participate in this scheme hopes to inherit the family fortune after the massacre is over. But aside from the fact that he will be the sole inheritor after the massacre and just how suspicious that would look, he also makes the mistake of participating in the slaughter.

Then, there are the very much useless goons, who are, despite their incompetence, ex-special forces soldiers. They then proceed to be beaten by unarmed civilians and a former general army soldier. They’re obviously not very good special forces soldiers. The movie makes the audience believe in too many leaps of logic to actually be a decent movie. Forehead, meet hand.

You’re Next is  basically an illogical horror/slasher mashup that does nothing to advance the genre. Requiring too much suspension of disbelief, and a smattering of intelligence insulting, it thankfully stays away from too much gore and is mainly palatable. In an attempt to be clever, however, the writers have made a very big plothole, which appears to be an insurmountable problem.

Rating

Admittedly, you could do worse. Like being forced into watching the One Direction concert film. Or Big Brother.

Should I watch this?

Fans of I Know What You Did Last Summer might enjoy this. It takes itself entirely seriously, unlike its peer, which takes itself as seriously as a Sylvester and Tweety cartoon.

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2 thoughts on “You’re Next

  1. You’re Next doesn’t actually take itself very seriously. It is actually what one of my major problems with it was. Think about how the characters react to certain things, or the dialogue. For example, the mom going upstairs to take a nap after her daughter dies haha. As stupid and obvious as the plot is, You’re Next is meant to be downright fun and that is about all.

    …hence why I did enjoy it. Sharni is super fun to watch while she is kicking ass and trying to get away. Logic is something that you’ll have to ignore for the sake of a good time in most horror (or action or comedy) movies these days….

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