Brace yourselves, volcanic eruption is coming. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. It is, after all, Jon Snow’s first time near a volcano…

Featuring

Kit Harington as Milo/The Celt
Emily Browning as Lady Cassia
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as Atticus
Jessica Lucas as Ariadne
Jared Harris and Carrie Ann Moss as Severus and Severus
and Kiefer Sutherland as Senator Many Names Corvus
with Mount Vesuvius in a cameo appearance as an angry volcano

Pompeii is a typical dumb action movie, all abs and muscles and not much brain power. Nevertheless, it’s still an enjoyable popcorn flick which requires no intellectual input from the audience. That’s because there are plenty of character and movie cliches peppered throughout. But hey, who cares, there are plenty of even cooler action scenes. The movie is a very fictionalised account of the disastrous eruption of Mount Vesuvius in 79AD that buried Pompeii and its denizens.

Our handsome hero, Milo (seriously? A milk and malt flavoured drink?), is a Celt from what is now England, filled with hate for the Roman Empire. His love interest is Cassia, a celebrated, rich native of Pompeii with massive cheekbones. Not to be left without a bad guy, here’s Jack Bauer as Senator Arsewipe Corvos, somehow hellbent on taking Cassia for himself.Of course, the intrigue of the characters and the actual plot of how the gladiators fight, live and die serve only as a backdrop for what we know to be the eventual eruption of the volcano.

And what a spectacular CGI eruption it is. At first, there’s just your usual earth tremors. Then, steam rises up out of the ground around Vesuvius. When the eruption actually starts, there’s a tsunami and a whacking great hailstorm of fiery super hot magma. Try saying that in Doctor Evil’s voice. You’ll giggle.

The movie is really just an Ancient Roman version of 2012 where the end of the world appears to be coming. The scale of the disaster is enormous and well, hardly anyone lives through it, including the good and bad guys of the movie. What is obvious though, is that the story of the characters are nothing compared to the awesome power of a volcano. So much so that it appears the concept of writing a decent script for the cast was deemed totally unnecessary, because what was spoken during the movie appeared to be regurgitated items from other movies we’ve all seen before.

Pompeii isn’t going to win any academy awards and neither will it be the best movie of the year. But, if you are into action disaster movies, then it is the only one that is worth watching so far this year.

Rating

It’s alright, in much the same way that eating boiled cabbage every day is alright.

Should I watch it?

Only if you liked watching 2012 and other disaster movies or if you like your movie heroes broody but with great abs.

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4 thoughts on “Pompeii

  1. Terrible film yet amusing entertainment! I enjoyed viewing it and laughed unintentionally more times than I can count! It had gladiators, beautiful girls and a volcano erupting….cannot say it is the worst way to spend 90 minutes!

      • When someone asks, I do say watch it but warn them not to expect much. I just meant terrible in the dialogue and the fact that the budget is so high yet the script is quite weak. You are right though, terrible may have been the wrong word.

        That word belongs to films such as I, Frankenstein or even more-so, The Legend of Hercules. I’d have to be paid to sit through those again but Pompeii would be voluntary years down the road. Plus, Jessica Lucas looks fantastic in it and that alone gives it replay value.

  2. Oh, yeah the dialogue was terrible, though I was hoping someone would at least say “you know nuthin’ Milo”. Just once. That would have been awesome. I think the big budget was all in the CGI and the abs, because the characters really play second fiddle to Vesuvius.

    I haven’t seen I, Frankenstein or Hercules, and don’t plan on doing it. There are far better flicks coming out in the next few weeks. Hell, even The Other Woman would have to be better.

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