This doesn’t happen during a weekend at all. Also, a warning that this movie contains Asian lesbianism…wait, I mean, awesome!

Featuring

Ludicrously handsome male leads
Ludicrously beautiful female leads
Remarkably cliche storyline and settings
Badly made CGI smoke-ghosts
and no redeeming features

In the tradition of predictable horror movies like I Know What You Did Last Summer and Scrreeaaam (er…I mean Scream) comes this Thai movie called Long Weekend, about a bunch of high school students going on a one day trip to a deserted island which ends up being extended to three days, but the movie ends on Friday the Thirteenth. What the hell kind of weekend starts on a Tuesday?! Make sense to you? Nope, me neither. But at least there were some hot lesbians. I say were, because they (disappointingly) die. I kind of lost interest at this point…

The movie covers a short, planned trip taken by five friends, plus a mildly slow classmate who is obviously the hottest guy in the group (but bullied for his slowness) and is in love with our female hero because she is his only true friend. Seriously, this guy makes Brad Pitt look boring and I’m not gay. Anyway, the kids are going to stay in a holiday house owned by one of their families, but the island is also haunted by evil smokey spirits, which they are explicitly warned about and ignore. Urgh. This is another one of those movies where people put themselves in peril by being disrespectful, deliberately ignorant of instructions and doing something during a numerologically adverse day. This movie is just not scary, but at least it doesn’t go all Hollywood and turn it into a torture and dismemberment flick. It does however try to be a bit clever with a slightly predictable plot twist.

Well, I can say one thing, despite the cookie cutter plot and scares, the movie is actually filmed well. The setting is a grim, deserted island – though one wonders why you’d build a holiday house there – and there’s hardly a sunny scene in the whole movie. Most of it is cloudy and the palette is cool, with very few warm colours. The make up is to be honest exceptional, especially when the friends who have died so far get reanimated and the actors do a credible job of carrying the script. It’s a pity a lot of the screaming and pretending to be scared part seems a bit forced.

What can I say about the movie? It wasn’t scary, the plot was pedestrian and predictable. Also, because most of the characters were obnoxious twats, I honestly couldn’t care less about their survival. Well, apart from the lesbians. They were pretty hot. The rest of the movie? Not so much.

Rating

Scarily terrible and cliche.

Should I watch this?

Of course not. Well, watch the sex scene with the lesbians. That minute and a half I can give five stars.

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