Always read the instruction manual before you accidentally summon a demon. Also, This movie is really freakin’ stupid
|People who were nobodies and will continue to be nobodies…|
|Obligatory dark and creepy wood. Best cast member in the whole thing|
This movie is about men not reading instruction manuals. Because all the stuff that happens in it, the zombies, the grievous bodily harm, the dismemberments and demonic possessions are caused by A Man Not Reading The Instructions. Let’s rewind a bit.
Being a horror movie, the film opens in a typically foggy, gloomy forest where a young girl is hiding from people. She’s injured and blood is coming out of one of her sleeves. She’s captured and it turns out that she is possessed by a demonic entity and to save her soul – so to speak – they have to kill her, which is done by applying shotgun shells directly to the head in a wooden cabin in the woods. This is all well and good, but the people who did this are the worst at leaving no trace of their activities. For instance, they leave the basement of the cabin filled with dead cats and a freaking massive blood stain on the floor. Surely, after getting rid of the demon, the least you could do is clean up the mess you made?
The real story begins when four friends (whose names I can’t be bothered remembering) arrive at the aforementioned cabin to try to force the main character’s sister – Mia – to go cold turkey on her drug addiction. This is a decent plan since its a pretty remote location and the gang is unlikely to find any drug dealers around. The only hitch in the plan? The fact that there’s a demon waiting around to be summoned.
In any case, the detox program is going pretty well, despite the discovery of all the rotting cats and this strange leatherbound book with what appears to be fencing wire wrapped around it to ensure it can’t be opened. This is the book used at the start of the movie to find out how to get rid of the demon. Now, Hippy Guy obviously didn’t bring his Kindle nor did he find his girlfriend exciting enough at the cabin, because he opens the book and decides to ignore all the warnings within, especially the warning about not reading out the phrase that summons the demon. This is the bit where Hippy Guy should be held responsible for the deaths of his friends because he didn’t read those instructions.
What follows, however, is hardly a horror movie, more torture porn. It is exactly what is wrong with horror movies made by Americans. They’re not scary because the movie is creepy, suspenseful or there is a genuine atmosphere of mystery and dread. No, it’s a little scary because there’s lots of blood and grievous bodily harm that should have killed people many times over, especially Hippy Guy. By my count, he’s stabbed in the heart, shot by at least ten nail gun nails, both hands are smashed up by a crowbar and I’m sure there’s something else I’m missing here on the list of bad things that happens to him.
A good horror movie, like Ring, is scary because disconcerting events are happening and there’s a frightening mystery that is solved at the end. It shouldn’t just be the most painful and excruciating way to off someone. That belongs to movies like Saw. Also, I’d hardly call that kind of stuff entertainment. All in all, this film was never scary. It was, in some ways hilarious due to the B-grade story (and cast) and hackneyed demonic possession background. If you want a good horror film, go watch something by the Japanese or the Koreans because Hollywood doesn’t know how to make them.
Rated [FOS] for Full of Sh!te. You have been warned.
Should I watch this?
Nope. The people who made this didn’t read the instruction manual on how to make a good horror movie, so why should you reward their laziness?